- Previously on Warehouse 13...
- Your sister, she's an incredibly dangerous woman!
- What happened to claire?
- The music box, it infected her.
It was destroyed, so we had no artifact to neutralize.
The only solution was to put claire
In an artifact-induced coma.
- You're my sister,
And there's no way I'm leaving you like this.
[trumpet fanfare]
- Make way!
Make way for their royal majesties!
Make way!
- God save the queen!
All: Hip hip huzzah!
Hip hip huzzah!
- Greetings, royal subjects and visitors from the future.
The brave knight who triumphs in today's tournament
Shall win my daughter's hand in marriage.
[cheers and applause]
Let the festivities begin!
[cheers and applause] - Huzzah!
[medieval music]
♪
- Uh, you do know how juggling works, right?
[laughter]
No, man. You're supposed to catch them.
That's the juggling part!
[laughter]
Oh, knave.
Your fly is undone!
[laughter]
Oh, loser! - He's awful.
- Oh, forsooth! 'tis another loser who vexes me!
[laughs]
[laughing]
[gasping]
[coughs]
- Is he okay?
- He's having a heart attack! Somebody call 911!
[dog barking] - You okay?
Mister!
- Call 911!
[crowd murmuring]
- Don't panic!
[coughs]
Don't panic.
I mean, we could say they're cajun-style.
- Oh, my god. Tell me there's cereal.
- When's abigail back from her trip?
- Why? She doesn't cook either.
- No, but she orders in really well.
- The new dark vault is ready.
You have my permission to come back to the Warehouse.
The new vault is marvelous.
Say what you will about Paracelsus,
But the man had a knack for security.
I've incorporated a few of his ideas, albeit it in a fashion
More suitable to my beloved steampunk motif.
I need a little help getting the artifacts moved back in.
Oh!
We have a ping.
- Oh, thank god. - Yes!
- I've been so bored.
- From a renaissance faire.
- Not it. - No.
N-- [groans]
Tell me there's something else behind door number two.
- No, but thanks for playing.
- Now wait a minute. Are you out of your mind?
Renaissance faires are awesome, man.
They've got swords and wenches, and you can be
A knight or a knave.
Which one do you want to be, huh, knight or knave?
- [sighs] I want to be a federal agent.
- You're already a federal agent.
- Exactly.
- All right. Well, I want to be a knave.
- You don't know what a knave is, do you?
- It's a good thing. - Uh-huh.
Be a knave. Take the federal agent with you.
Claudia and Myka can help me here.
Where is Claudia, by the way? - Oh, you know what?
I'm gonna go track her down, and we'll meet you there.
- Excellent. Oh, tell me there's cereal.
[festive music]
- Spices, tea, home remedies. - Methinks not, sir.
[indistinct chatter]
- Ooh, look! Swords!
[grunts] [laughs]
My god, this is everything I've ever wanted.
- [laughs]
- Okay, now it's everything I've ever wanted.
Wait, jinksy, hold it! - What, what?
- Costume rentals! - No!
- Come on, man! You can be a knight!
- Or not. Not is also an option.
- But, man, I thought halloween was, like, gay christmas.
You don't like costumes?
- I'm not a cliche.
I-I don't watch the oscars either.
- Really? Oh, maybe I'm gay.
- Tournament today, 3:00! - Federal agent.
I need to speak with whoever's in charge here.
- S'wounds! An officer of the court.
'tis an honor, milord. - Yes, fine.
Can you please just tell me who's in charge?
- T'would be the king, milord.
Thee must seek a royal audience.
- Of course I must. - [laughs] cool.
- Follow me.
Make way!
Make way for the officers of the court.
- Hello, kingdom.
Yes, 'tis my good fortune to be not only the sovereign
Of this fair county, but also its proprietor.
- You own the faire? - Forsooth!
'tis so. - That's awesome.
- Oh, well.
Mayhaps milords would fancy a round of darts or knucklebones?
- Knucklebones? That sounds like--
- Like something that you can play later.
Right after we play "tell the federal agents
Everything you know without the 'thees' and the 'thous.'"
- Okay.
This way.
Look, a ren faire is an interactive experience.
And people come to play along, not just watch.
I got to stay in character. It's good for business.
- The faster you start talking, the faster you can put
That crown back on.
- What about the jester with the scepter?
The one who made the heckler laugh?
Who is he? - And where can we find him?
- I've never seen the guy before.
Plus he was wearing a mask!
- How about a list of your employees?
- Sure, but it won't help.
I mean, we got tons of jesters. [laughs]
Half of 'em are paying customers, even,
And the customers are the good ones.
- Well, there must be some way to narrow it down.
How many jesters can there be? - [scoffs]
Look around.
[indistinct chatter]
And that's just the line to the john.
[toilet flushes]
- Gadzooks.
[door beeps]
- Told you I'd be back.
Let's get started.
[door opens, beeps]
- Despite everything Artie told you, you're here anyway.
- She's my sister.
I didn't leave Joshua stuck in an inter-dimensional prison.
I didn't leave steve dead,
And I'm not leaving claire like this.
- Look, claude, you know I just had a huge wake-up call,
And life is shorter than you ever think.
I can't imagine mine without my sister.
- So what you're saying is--
- What's the plan?
[mysterious music]
♪
- So since we don't have the artifact
That turned my sister into carrie, we can't neutralize it.
- And the artifact energy has to live somewhere,
So if you take it out of claire--
- We got to put it in something.
- Wait, you know that combining artifacts--
- Is dangerous? Yes.
And you know that my sister has been in a coma for 15 years.
I think a little danger is worth it, don't you?
- Bob dylan's bus transfer. - That's right.
His transition from acoustic
To electric marked a major change in his music.
You know, it might not have been dylan's best move,
But the uproar from his fans make this artifact--
- Extremely dangerous!
And also very useful to what we are about to do right now.
Okay, moving on.
- Alessandro volta's biscuit barrel.
Volta invented the battery--
- Which is a way to store the energy.
So the bus ticket will transfer the energy
From claire into the biscuit barrel.
Nice. - Exactly.
- Please note that I did not say anything
About how dangerous that could be.
[laughs]
Okay, what do you need me to do?
- Well, since claire can't hold on to the artifacts herself,
We've got to help her out.
You take one hand, I'll take the other?
- These officers of the court would just like
To ask you all a few questions.
[medieval music]
♪
- Nope, nada, nyet.
- That jester that made the guy laugh,
I just want to know if you've seen him today.
- Not so, I'faith, ne'er e'en then.
- So would you recognize him? - Good sir!
I shan't recognize a knave under any circumstance.
- Look, I just want to know if-- - Knave, dost thou know
How many knights it takes to changeth a lightbulb?
- Stop that! - Dude, not cool!
- If you don't answer my question,
This puppet is gonna see parts of you that not even your doc--
- Whoa! [laughs]
Surely he jests, fair knave. - [sighs]
- Okay, guys. Let's just chillax, shall we?
Look, we just want to know if you know anything
About the jester that made the heckler laugh.
- Not my shift. You guys ask oswald?
- Oswald? No, who's oswald?
- He was one of the guys onstage when it happened.
- So why wasn't he here with all the other jesters?
- Oswald isn't a real jester. He was just filling in.
He's a doofer. - A "doofer"?
- You know, a guy who does things.
Like, the doofer gets hit with the pie.
He's the target for the knife thrower,
The prisoner in the dungeon. He shovels the horse--
- Sure, we get it. He's the doofer.
Now, where can we find him?
- Mm-mm-mm.
- You little-- - I-I know.
I know, walk away. - I just--
- Dunk a punk! Douse a louse!
Soak a bloke, 10 shillings!
Step right up, milords! A mere 10 shillings.
- Oh, no, thank you, milady.
We just want to talk to your pal up there.
- Oh, nay, kind sir. Thou cannot.
Not until milord hits the target.
- Well, milord is happy to oblige.
- Thank you.
- All right. What's so important?
- You were onstage when the guy had the heart attack.
- Oh, yeah.
Poor guy.
Wait, wait. That wasn't my fault, okay?
I-I didn't make him laugh. I am never funny.
Ask anyone. - I think you're funny.
- The doofer's been dunked.
- Great. [laughter]
- Hey, look, no one's blaming you, okay?
We just want to know what happened.
- Ask one of the knights.
I mean, ask the king. He was there.
- We already asked everybody else.
- Oh, of course, because the doofer is always
The last one on the list.
You know I was supposed to be a knight by now?
That's what my contract says.
- I'm sure they'll make you a knight soon, ozzie.
- That's easy for you to say.
You get bumped up to lady-in-waiting next week.
I-I've been a doofer for three seasons.
It--no, no. I need to talk to the king.
- You need to talk to us, okay?
We want to know what you saw.
[all screaming]
- Hey, look out! - [screams]
- You stop the cart, and I'll get the girl!
- Pete, look out!
- [grunts]
[all screaming]
- Myka, look.
It's working.
- [groaning]
- Claude, just hold on. - [groaning]
- Mykes, her hand!
Is that it?
- I don't know. Bag 'em.
- Okay.
- Where am I?
- [laughs]
- Where the hell did it go?
- Well, no evil jesters, no laughing hecklers,
But I'm guessing "mr. Toad's wild chariot ride"
Has got to be related, right?
- 'tis all part of the spectacle!
Oh, forsooth.
'tis the grandest entertainment in the land.
- Maybe we should shut this place down.
- No, we can't.
Whoever has the artifact will go home.
We'd never find 'em. - What the hell was that?
I don't have to tell you how bad this is for business.
It's very, very bad.
A round of knucklebones for all! [laughs]
All: Huzzah!
- Come on, will you help me out here, boys?
Uh--
Milords, miladies, gather round!
- We know a guy with a renaissance grudge
Against his lordship. - Bad for business has got to be
At the top of our disgruntled doofer's to-do list.
- I don't understand.
Where am I?
- You're at a hospital, a special hospital.
- Who are you ladies?
- Well, my name is Myka,
And, um, this is...
- Uh...
I'm Claudia. I'm your sister.
- No, you're not.
My sister's seven years old. [sighs]
- Um, listen, there was-- there was a car accident,
And you've been in a coma for a really long time.
- A coma?
Cars?
But that was--no way. Come on.
I don't believe you. I don't.
- I-I know. It sounds insane.
- Yes, because it is insane.
No, see? That is Claudia.
See? And I'm...Old.
Oh, my god. I'm old.
- You're not old. You're just--you're older.
- How much older?
- I-- 15 years.
- 15 years?
That means you're-- - 22.
- So I'm 30?
I'm 30 years old?
How can I be 30 years old? - Don't worry!
We're gonna get everything
Sorted out, okay? I promise.
Everything is gonna be all right.
- I missed the garbage concert. I missed the prom!
I missed graduation!
How is this gonna be all right? - Just trust me, okay?
We're gonna talk everything through from the very beginning.
Just give me one sec.
I have a feeling this is maybe gonna take a while.
- Yeah, I'm just gonna put these back where they belong.
- Thank you.
And, hey, um, Artie might be not so happy about this.
You think you could soften him up a bit before we get there?
- Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of Artie.
- Okay, catarina, we're looking for your pal oswald.
[boom] [all screaming]
- Um-- - Target practice, look.
- Another one?
[all screaming]
- [grunts]
- You get the wizard, I'll take care of the crowd!
Hey, get down! Hey, get back!
- [screams] - Hey!
- [grunts]
- [laughs maniacally]
- Okay, neat trick. Now what the hell?
- [screams]
- [grunts]
- [screaming]
- Coming, princess!
- [screaming]
- Okay, okay. There you go.
There you go, there you go.
- [grunts]
- [yells]
- Ah, some special effects!
Wow, best ren faire ever!
There you go.
Not all on fire.
- I used to like magic. [panting]
- Not a mark on her! What a show, huh?
[applause] Ho-ho-ho.
Huh? Come on.
Let's hear it for king what's-his-name.
Hey, not so fast there, ozzie ozbean.
- What do you want me for?
Look, I-I-- I've never played a magician,
And I'm not even on the clock, okay?
- That may be so, but wherever you are, chaos seems to follow.
- Time to grill the doofus.
- And, um, I get a free room here
At the bed and breakfast,
Although it's not so much breakfast anymore, so...
- You got a lot of stuff. - [laughs]
Oh, god, yeah. God, I guess I do.
Um, I didn't have very much when I came here, so I--
I don't know, maybe I'm just trying to make up for that.
- Mm.
What's this?
- Oh, this is--um, ipad. It's like a little computer.
You can listen to music or read books
Or surf the internet on it.
- Mm. The internet's still around?
Dad said that'd be a passing fad.
- Yeah, well, he probably didn't think pants
Were here to stay either. [laughs]
Uh, that's for an xbox.
Uh, video games. - Oh, like, um, donkey kong.
- [laughs] yeah, except nobody plays do--
Yeah, just like donkey kong. [clears throat]
- I got to say, I'm really hating this.
- And I totally get that.
- I-I just-- nothing feels real.
Wait, that's it, isn't it? It's a dream.
It's just a weird dream.
I'm just gonna wake up and be me again.
[laughs] - Claire, I'm sorry.
It's not a dream.
- It has to be.
It has to be!
This cannot be my life!
- Look, it's--it's okay.
Everything is gonna be all right.
- Please stop saying it's gonna be all right, 'cause it's not.
None of this is all right.
I don't recognize anything or anyone!
- Claire, I'm sorry. You're right, it's a lot.
It's a lot to take in, but you're gonna catch up fast.
You know why? 'cause I did.
- What, you were in a coma too?
- I was in a mental institution.
- You were? Why?
- [sighs] long, long story, but I spent
My formative years in a psych ward,
And not to outdo you, but crazy girl carries
A lot more stigma than coma girl.
- Oh.
- Look, yes, maybe there are some things you can't get back
Like the prom or the garbage concert,
But we'll catch you up on everything else, I promise.
Besides, I hear high school's overrated.
I don't think we missed much avoiding all that teen drama.
- Wait.
Is this--
- Your guitar?
- [laughs]
- Yeah, my strongest memories of you are with that guitar,
Which probably has a lot to do
With why I'm completely guitar-obsessed.
- [laughs] yeah, you are.
- Hey, do you want to see where I play?
- Okay. [laughter]
- Okay.
Alice?
Are you in there? - [giggles]
- Wha--okay. Yeah, ju--sorry.
Just go back to planning ways to kill me.
- So what's the plan? - Don't do that!
- [sighs] Artie, do not start with me.
- Took you long enough. Where's Claudia?
- She's busy. You and I can handle this.
- There was a time when people actually did what I said.
- Oh, boo-hoo. What is the plan?
- All right.
We are going to carefully load all these artifacts
Back into the newly secured dark vault very,
Very, very carefully. - Got it.
Okay, listen, Artie.
I need to, um,
Ease you into something. [crash]
- Did you not hear me say "very, very carefully"?
Everything here--everything-- is extremely unstable.
It is critical that no negative energy--
- This is not my first time in the dark vault!
- Shh, shh. - Although "vault" is a joke.
Okay, this place is about as secure as a kiosk at the mall.
[crash] - Don't--
- And how many times has alice escaped
From that mirror anyway?
- Which is why I have been working
Night and day to install new security measures.
Doesn't anybody ever listen to me?
- Do not snap at me, okay?
You said you didn't want any help with that!
[whoosh] - Aah! No.
J--no negative energy now.
- I don't know what's making all these things happen.
- And yet you're always there when they do.
- Wha-- - I don't know.
Maybe it's aimed at him?
- Do you have any enemies?
Anybody that might want to hurt you?
- No, look, look, I am just trying
To get through my already humiliating day.
- All right, well, let's start with the juggling.
Tell us everything you did or touched leading up
To the jester's performance.
- I-I did everything that I normally do.
All the usual stuff, except getting my fortune told.
- You don't usually get your fortune told?
- Oh, my god.
The fortune teller? Is tha--did she curse me?
Am I doing all of this with my mind?
- Well, stranger things have happened.
What'd she say to you? - Madame dooriya?
Uh, she--she asked me what I wanted, you know?
What--what would make me happy.
I want to become a knight,
And I want to win the hand of the princess.
I mean, not just the job thing-- I mean, I actually
Want to go out with the girl who plays the princess.
[evil laughter]
- [echoing] you are not a hero.
To become a knight and win the hand of the princess,
You must become a hero.
- Okay. How?
- The cards will show the way.
- All right, well, let's see
What else madame dooriya has to say.
Wow. - [sighs]
How many bags did we bring?
- Madame d really wouldn't like this.
- No, she really, really wouldn't.
- All right, lady, secret service.
We know you put a curse on this fine young man
Right here, and we want you
To hand over whatever it is you used to do it.
- I haven't cursed anyone in years.
Not since my ex-husband. Ribbit, ribbit.
I didn't even read the cards for this one.
- Yes, she did.
- Pete, look.
- Oh.
Let's bag 'em.
You ready, jinksy? - Mm-hmm.
[sighs] Damn it, nothing.
- We got a gypsy on the run!
- Knight to b-4!
- Wow!
- Halt! Depart the board!
- [gasps]
- You know they're just using you, right?
Steve, go around that way and flank her.
- [yells]
[all shouting]
- Look out!
The white queen!
- Okay, this thing's just broken.
- Hey, it's time travel day!
- [grunts]
[all gasp]
- Steve, she's behind you!
- Oh, no, you don't, lady!
- [grunts]
All: Oh!
- Lady just disappeared.
- So did madame dooriya.
- That was awesome. - Best ren faire ever!
[applause]
- Okay, keep it. - Thanks.
- Wow, how did coffee get to be so expensive?
- Oh, I have no explanation for that.
[chuckles]
So, you know, it's not exactly the viper room,
But the crowd is always enthusiastic--
Although, in fairness, that might be the caffeine.
- It's very cool.
Weren't you nervous to play in front of people?
- [laughs] yeah, definitely, but you know, Pete kind of
Talked me into it, and then after that first night,
When they all clapped,
Let's just say I'm addicted to more than just coffee.
- [laughs]
Would you play for me?
- Twist my arm.
[laughter]
But, hey, you've got to sing with me.
- Oh, I've been in a coma for 15 years.
I'm pretty sure I'm rusty.
- And I can guarantee you rolling stone
Is not here to review us.
- Oh, thank god rolling stone's still around.
- [laughs] okay.
[clears throat]
♪ ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪
♪ ba, ba, ba, ba
- Wait. Is that-- - ♪ ba, da, ba, da, da
Garbage, when I grow up.
- Oh. - Since you missed the concert,
I thought we could have one of our own.
♪
- ♪ cut my tongue out
♪ I've been caught out like a giant juggernaut ♪
♪ happy hours, golden showers
♪ on a cruise to freak you out ♪
- [laughs] - Go.
- ♪ we could fly a helicopter
♪ nothing left to talk about
[both laugh] ♪ entertain you
Both: ♪ celebrate you
♪ I'll be back to frame you
♪ when I grow up
♪ I'll be stable
- [laughs] - Nice.
Both: ♪ when I grow up
♪ I'll turn the tables - Yeah!
Both: ♪ when I grow up
♪ I'll be stable
- Oh, yeah!
Both: ♪ sha-la-la, sha-la-la
♪ sha-la-la
- You didn't mention in the job interview
That we we're just gonna be glorified stock boys.
- My keen sense of perception is giving me the impression
That you are upset.
What is wrong? - [laughs] what's wrong, Artie?
Everything! [trumpet blares]
- Look, just-- calmly, calmly, just--
You see, there's an energy balance in here that--
- Don't patronize me, Artie. - Patronize you?
[trumpet blares] Liste--
My bad.
Look, why don't we just quietly work together?
- You also never mentioned that we would be stuck
In south dakota forever,
And you never, ever, ever told us
That we would be affected by artifacts!
You want to guess how many times I've been whammied?
- That's what this is about.
You think that somehow
An artifact has affected your health.
- Stop second-guessing me, Artie.
That is not what this is about...
Not at all! [rumbling]
[keys clacking]
- Myka, you've been whammied again.
- I hate it here!
[trumpet shrieks]
- Not so fast!
- Damn it! I'm getting old.
I used to be faster than the kgb.
- So this is why you ran out on us?
You were jonesing for a corn dog?
- Which I would totally get, by the way.
They're awesome.
- Why are you harassing my grandmother?
She didn't do anything wrong.
- That's right. You did!
Idiot girl, you used mother shipton's cards
On that doofus.
- It's doofer. - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You?
I-I thought you liked the doofus.
Oswald. - You do?
You like me? Like, like like me?
- So then why curse him? He could have been hurt.
- I know, and I'm so sorry.
It was an accident.
I was--I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt.
I was just trying to help ozzie.
I wanted him to show the courage
That I know he has so he could become a knight.
So, when he came into the tent, I pretended to be dooriya.
I didn't know it was gonna be dangerous.
- Of course it's dangerous! Idiot girl!
Mother shipton created tragedy across all of england.
- Well, then let's make sure
Those cards don't cause any more.
- All right, watch your eyes.
- Nice trick.
- All right, now that we know ozzie's
Off the hook, how about some corn dogs?
- No, wait! This cannot be stopped.
The cards have been dealt.
They foretold that the doofus will become a hero,
So become a hero he must or die trying.
I usually get paid for this kind of information.
- "die"?
Did she say "die"? Like, die die?
- Yes, die! - Die!
- No one's gonna die, okay?
We're gonna fix this.
Steve, why don't you help oswald pick out a nice hat.
- Let's go buy a hat.
- Does he really have to die?
- Either he's a hero or a dead doofus.
- Okay, so how do we fix this?
- Oswald is the only one who can fix it.
He must become-- - A hero, right...
As you said.
Is there any other way?
- Or he could die!
- Would you stop saying that?
- The cards are presenting oswald with opportunities.
He should have been the one to call 911
Or to rescue that little girl...
- Or kept steve out of checkmate.
- He could be a hero. I know he can.
- Really?
Have you seen him?
I mean, really looked at him?
- Well, she has a point.
- No matter.
The cards will continue to challenge him until he does.
- All right, well, I guess it's time for oswald to knight up.
- His goal is to win the princess, and to do that,
He has to win the tournament today.
So the cards will probably challenge him there.
- The time--I must go.
I have an exorcism in 20 minutes.
- Okay, explain something to me.
If you really like this guy,
Why would you help him win the princess?
- Because when you really love someone,
You want them to be happy, even if it isn't with you.
- Wow. My ex-girlfriends had more of...
[imitating Woody Allen] A scorched-earth policy.
- Don't let anything happen to him?
- Don't worry. I'm on it.
Now that I know where and when,
I'll make sure the odds are stacked in his favor.
- Good, because the last card that I dealt him...
Was "death."
- Myka, please. Don't, don't!
- [grunts] - No. No!
- Talking down to me does not help!
- Look, I'm not talking down to you.
I'm just talking you down.
See the difference?
See, all this rage--don't! Oh, oh!
All this rage is just 'cause you've been whammied.
- It's not just that.
- That's right.
- It's everything. - Right.
- It's this place. - Uh-huh.
- It's a thousand things. - I understand.
- Do you know that I went through my cancer scare alone?
- Uh, yeah. - Do you know that?
- I'm sure. - Alone!
[whip cracks loudly] - Yes, I know.
And--and you didn't really need to.
You--you chose to keep it to yourself, see?
- And what if I spend the rest of my life alone?
Is that my fault too?
Is that what you're saying?
Answer the question!
[item whooshes, buzzes]
- Oh, my god.
The music box.
- Unh.
You shot me?
- Well, it wasn't really a shot, per se--
More like an aggressive hello.
- You shot me!
It just makes me angrier!
[air whooshing]
- Oy yay, oy yay, oy yay! Gather round!
'tis time for the royal tournament to begin!
[cheers and applause, swords clanging]
[both grunting]
- No, no, no, I can't. - Oh, yeah.
- I-I can't. I can't. I can't.
- Yes, you can. - No.
- There you go. That a boy. - Uh-oh.
[audience cheers] How?
- With clear eyes and a full heart...
You can't lose.
- [gasps] I'm nearsighted, and I have arrhythmia.
- Look, dude, you can do this, okay?
You have to.
Otherwise they're just gonna keep coming,
And you don't want to be chased your whole life, do you, huh?
- All you have to do is beat this last card.
How bad can it be?
[audience gasps]
[horse whinnies deeply]
- Well, you had to ask.
[whinny echoing]
[horse whinnies] - Who challenges me?
You? - Me? Oh, him.
- Prepare to die, mortal! - No, no, no, no, no, no!
He's got to do this himself.
- [whimpers] whoa, whoa.
No, I can't do this. - No, no, no, you're doing it!
- I can't-- - Ozzie, no, you're good.
You're doing great.
Keep him in the game, okay? I got an idea.
- [snorts, roars] - [whimpers]
- Hey, no! - I can't.
- You're a knight now. Use your sword.
- [whimpering] - [roars]
- Aah! [all gasp]
[whimpers] - Here, catch!
- [whimpers] - [roars]
- Ozzie, here! [grunts]
- Unh! [all gasp]
- Ozzie, look out!
- Nothing is worth this, not even the princess!
- Hey, where you going? - Coward!
- Leave me alone!
- Catarina!
- [growls]
I'll take you instead.
- No! - [roars]
[cheers and applause]
All: Huzzah! Hip-hip, huzzah!
Hip-hip, huzzah!
[both laughing] - We did it.
Both: ♪ I don't want to fall asleep
♪ 'cause I miss you, babe
♪ and I don't want to miss a thing ♪
- [imitates guitar playing] - Oh, I don't.
I don't want to miss a thing.
Will you tell me everything that happened while I was sleeping?
- Ooh! Well, that could take a minute.
We need snacks.
- Okay.
Mom and dad must be so proud of you.
- [sighs]
Claire...
Um...
Listen, mom and dad...
[sighs]
Mom and dad aren't with us anymore.
- What do you mean?
- They're gone. [sighs]
They were--
They were in the car accident that put you in a coma.
- They were?
- Claire, please! - No!
The car?
That car.
They're dead? I'm starting to remember.
- I'm so sorry.
I know I should have told you sooner.
I just--I-I didn't know-- - But I wasn't.
I saw it.
I saw the crash...
So I couldn't ha--
I wasn't in the car, was I?
- No...
You weren't.
You--it's-- it's very complicated.
I-I-- [Farnsworth buzzing]
[sighs]
Yep?
- Is your sister there with you right now?
- Great. Myka told you.
Yeah, listen, everything's okay.
- No-- [crash]
Actually, it isn't!
[air whooshing]
- Don't defend him. He shot me!
[crackling] - Guys, get back!
- Oh.
[bang] - I'm sorry.
I'm really, really, really sorry, really!
I just--I thought that--
- Bob dylan's bus transfer?
Volta's biscuit barrel?
You think I didn't already think of that?
Look, the music box does not work that way.
[bang] - Ooh!
- Look, the energy
Has to be transferred into a living human being.
If you'd only asked me, I wo-- [bang]
- [gasps] - Can't we just tesla her?
- [sighs] in addition to the strong possibility
That Myka might be extremely upset by being shot again,
There's also the issue of the energy from the tesla
Boosting her telekinetic energy, so...
[chuckles]
- So, what, then?
[air whooshing]
- Catch, Artie!
- Oh, it's not Artie. It's me.
Hi. Just giving claire the grand tour.
Want to help?
Nobody knows the stacks like Myka.
You remember claire, right?
- Hey, again, Myka.
- Hello, claire. - Nice of you to drop in.
- I'm sorry, Myka.
- Oh!
- We only have a few minutes and not many options.
- Well, you're not gonna put Myka in a coma, Artie.
You can't.
- Claudia, not her...
Me.
He has to, don't you?
Seeing her like that, I remember now.
I remember everything--
The music box, how angry I could get, mom and dad.
- It wasn't your fault.
- I know. I know. But somebody has to do it--
Not Myka!
- No, no, I'm not gonna let you go back to that.
There has to be something. - No, but there's not!
You've tried everything, haven't you?
- For 15 years. I'm sorry, claire.
- It's okay. - No. No!
I was there too.
I knew the music box was dangerous.
Put me in the coma. - No, Claudia.
I will not let you or Myka or anyone else suffer.
Listen to me.
Thank you for today.
If I only get one day, I am so, so glad I got this one.
I love you, little sister,
And I am counting on you to fix all of this.
[cracking]
- We have to do this now.
- Okay.
[breathing nervously]
Wait.
♪ when I grow up
Both: ♪ I'll be stable
- [laughs]
Both: ♪ when I grow up
♪ I'll turn the tables
- I'll find a way.
I promise.
- [inhales sharply] all right.
Yeah.
[music plays indistinctly] [sighs]
- I now pronounce theesir oswald the lionheart.
All: Huzzah! [applause, trumpets playing]
- And offer thee my fair daughter's hand in marriage.
[trumpets continue playing] - Uh, gramercy, your majesty.
It pains me greatly, but I must decline.
Verily, my heart belongs to another.
- You knew, didn't you?
You knew that oswald would save her,
So you told catarina to run in the ring.
- Well, jinksy, my friend,
I had a feeling that ozzie could be a hero
For someone he really cared about.
Oh, look, someone got left out.
[sighs]
Can't let that happen, now, can we?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, hey, hey. [both chuckle]
Hey, uh, I don't know if you doth realize it or not,
But, uh, I was pretty helpful with yon knight over there.
- [nasally voice] ooh.
- Yeah, well. - That's so exciting.
You want to go get a chai latte? - [groans]
- I wanted to show you this. - What is this?
- Claire.
It's all about claire.
- Yeah.
Like I said, I've been working on her problem
For the last 15 years.
I'm sorry, Claudia.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about claire...
Sooner.
I didn't want you to go through all that pain.
I've always done-- I always will do anything
To keep you from getting hurt.
Please don't hug me.
The only thing that could make this worse is you seeing me cry.
Okay, from now on, we do everything together.
That goes for you too.
We're a family here,
And none of us has to go through anything alone...
Ever.
[crying] Damn it.
- [chuckles]